Sara Wiseman blogs on spirituality and intuition twice weekly.

Daily Divine: Letting go without fault or blame.

3/28/2013

I've received a lot of emails and feedback on my last blog, "Family, tribe and the Equinox"—so much so, that I'd like to take time to address some issues that are popping up for folks right now—not only around family, but around multiple aspects of our lives right now

If you'll recall, the great Shift of 2012, which we experienced starting about summer of last year and culminating in a great big Letting Go of Old Stuff at the end of the year (like it or not), set us on a new path.

2013 entered with hope and grace, and many of you experienced feelings of joy, awakening, rebirth... all that we'd expected from this grand shift.

However... we are being asked once again, right now, to take a look at things that we had set up earlier in 2012, that are still ongoing, that do not serve us.

This might be family and relationship—for many of you, this is where the hammer is going to hit the nail, soundly on the head. Take a look at your family, your relationships, and ask yourself: "Is this serving me?". Not serving the small me, of ego/personality/fear. But the big me, which is your soul essences.

Is this serving me? If you are in a relationship filled with toxicity, blame, fear—and certainly, if you are in a relationship that is abusive in any way—it's time to Let Go, and Say No.

If your current challenge aren't in family relationships, but are around other relationships, such as business, career, groups, associations, friendships and other relationships such as these, the question is the same: "Is this serving me?"

Not the ego you. Not the you that has goals and ambitions and so forth.

You as soul.

Now... when we ask this question, "is this serving me," the key is to be very clear on your answer. For about 80% of you right now, with the energy as it is, I'd guess the answer is going to be.... NO.

No, this relationship is not serving me.
No, this association is not serving me.
No, this friendship is not serving me.

And when you know this clearly... and you will know it resoundingly, in your heart and soul and gut, the idea is to Let Go and Say No... and... wait for it... :) To do this WITHOUT FAULT OR BLAME.

To let go of relationships that are not serving you, and to do so without creating anger, a need to find fault, a need to pin blame.

To just understand that CHANGE is the WAY of the Universe... and that sometimes, we grow out of things when we least expect it...or others grow out of us... or whatever it is.

No anger. No fault. No blame. Simply holding boundary, and releasing in compassion.

Take a look today, at what is bothering you,. what is stressing you, what is in conflict. And then, meditate on whether the above applies...

I welcome your comments, as always.

Much love,

SARA

11 Comments

Nancy

4/9/2013 07:20:49 am

Sigh.... I know this. I'm in an unhappy marriage and it's not getting better after almost 20 years. I just can't seem to find a way out at this point, though, due to finances, young children and other concerns.

Sara Wiseman

4/10/2013 02:46:04 am

Thank you for writing, Nancy. Sometimes just looking at something with a new awareness can help.

Delaney

4/9/2013 08:20:10 am

Like Nancy, I know I need to let go and say no; however, I fear I've waited too long. I've tried to leave, but cannot. I've supported our family solely on my own for three years as he continued to not work, cheat lie and steal. now we've lost our home, children and are living the last two months in our car. but I still can't let go...

4/10/2013 02:46:34 am

Delaney, if you are able to write me at sara@sarawiseman.com, I would like to answer you privately.

Jenna

4/9/2013 11:46:43 am

There is wisdom here, yet more could be said about mindful ways of setting one's boundaries and leaving relationships. There are obviously abusive relationships which deserve nothing more than a clear "No more!". But there are other instances where one person's quest of claiming their power can mean much pain for others they are deeply connected to, including children. Not meaning that one should stay indefinitely in an unhealthy relationship, however the integrity of how one leaves close bonds is as important as - and of course part of - their own personal growth.

4/10/2013 02:48:25 am

HI Jenna;

Mindfulness is always a good approach, but in some situations that folks are facing, with such extreme danger, toxicity, negativity, addiction, abuse, etc.... mindfulness may not be what is required.

If you are in a burning building, the idea is to get out. You don't worry about tidying the kitchen before you leave.

So... I think what you are referring to is a different kind of situation, than I am seeing lately in the collective.

And, good point.

Skye

4/19/2013 04:34:46 am

Thank you so much for this, Sara! A friend of mind told me about your radio show over a month ago and it's been on my to do list to check out since then. In the meantime, I went on a road trip with an old friend and it went really poorly. This is someone who has off and on felt like a soulmate in my life, but, at this point in our lives, we are just in very different places. Last week I listened to your show on divine posse, and the concept of letting go without fault or blame has really helped me in processing this. I kept going back to what I should've done better (blaming me) or making a list of her dysfunction (blaming her) and now I know that it just isn't serving either of us right now to be in relationship.

Thank you so much for helping me find peace with this!

Ami link

4/21/2013 01:14:20 pm

I am interested in the angle of how what often holds a person back isn't resistance of their intuition that they need to let go but resistance
to the realities of separating the relationship. Economics, insurance, the realities of c

4/21/2013 01:20:25 pm

sorry... of coparenting in conflict, including possibly having to make your children change schools, teams, activities, etc., can truly be conflicting levels of "serving". Maybe I know this relationship isn't serving me, but it's not horrible, so maybe things aren't great but they are getting by OK enough, and it is serving my kids, etc. (I don't have kids yet, but I have friends.)

I also, relatedly, think there is more than one way to "end" a relationship -- like I can end the one I'm in with Bob but co-create something different with Bob. That, too, though, can have its gains and sacrifices.

I guess I'm just saying that ending a connection looks simple until it's your own.

Sara

4/28/2013 11:57:20 pm

Hi Ami;

I agree. There is nothing simple about ending a connection. And yet we are also not meant to stay in situations that are not positive, loving and healthy.

This is why it is important to have the discussion; when to leave, when to stay. Making sure we are clear with how we make our decisions.

Always, a soul's journey. The soul moves towards growth. The earth self takes a little longer, has more fear.

Bonnie

3/12/2015 06:36:58 am

Hi Sara,

Wow this is really wonderful to hear. I had written to you about a not jumping from one bad relationship to another but the second relationship turned out to be worse than the first one. But the problem was I had so much guilt that instead of ending the relationship for good I continued to try to work with what was no longer working and all that happened was resentment, blame, etc. and the relationship was not healthy, loving or positive.. I finally made the decision to end the relationship for good but I have had some doubts coming from the ego but my higher self knows what is right for me This article is soo helpful and I realize that I have done the right thing. I let go of blaming myself and faulting myself for not doing more to try to save a relationship that I couldn't or didn't want to save.

Thank you Sara.

Subscribe to Sara's award-winning blog

Daily Divine: Letting go without fault or blame.

Leave a Reply.

Get Daily Divine in your inbox!

Daily Divine books

Categories