For example, let’s pretend you’re a hamster, monumentally in love with another hamster: all you want to do is nestle in the wood shavings and be cozy.
But one day you wake up from hamster bliss, and find a hamster wheel in your cage.
Pretty soon, you or your hamster soul mate tries it out, and starts running.
A little while later, the other one of you tries it, and pretty soon, the distraction of the run-but-don’t-get-anywhere hamster wheel starts to take over your lives.
I mean, it’s a good thing to not just lay around in the wood shavings all day!
It’s great to have things you want to do!
It’s great to have interests you want to engage it!
But in this example, we’re not talking about deep purpose, life’s work, meaningful stuff.
We’re talking about a hamster wheel: it’s all momentum, no real moving.
It’s just a distraction.
And it’s a very addictive one, because it makes you think you’re moving forward, even when you’re not.
So, anyhow…. one day it so happens that one of you wants to snuggle in the wood shavings, but the other one is like “uh, I’ve got three more laps, honey.”
And boom: there begins the cycle of distraction-neglect-loneliness-distraction instead of intimacy.
If you’re a human, your hamster wheel might be overscheduling, busyness, social media, go-go-go, do-do-do. All the stuff that keep us running, without really getting anywhere.
You might find yourself saying things like “I’m craaaaaaazy busy!” and over time, this addiction to busyness makes it harder and harder to connect you’re your partner.
Now this is fine, if you want to stay in the cycle of distraction-neglect-loneliness-distraction.
But, if you are committed to connecting with your Beloved, then you are going to need to get off the hamster wheel and start connecting.
And it’s scary, because it can be very vulnerable to engage with another person. It’s much easier to be busy, or on to the next thing.
This hamster parable isn’t about sex either, although that’s part of it.
Sexual intimacy is one of the ways we can get the very closest to another person, the way we can reveal ourselves at the deepest level. But general intimacy: being there, talking, listening, holding hands, sitting near each other, hanging out with each other… those are big parts of intimacy, too.
If you’re craaaaaaazy busy, always running around and wondering why you’re feeling lonely and unsettled… check which hamster wheel you’re on.
Usually, slowing down and opening up makes every relationship better.
P.S. Just a few more days to get Earlybird Savings for the Beyond Words Cruise.