We were delighted to spy a young deer around the bar where our two very old llamas and two goats live.
They make up a small herd, and they wander the forests and meadows here, eating the blackberries and grasses to contentment.
The deer was a surprise: a young deer, on its own, is never a good sign. It means the mother is gone, or dead. A deer of that age can’t survive well alone, even out here in this space that’s becoming increasingly more suburban with every year.
So we were happy to find it sheltering with the herd; never actually in the barn, but looking on from a distance. We put out extra food, and hoped it would stay.
A few days later, the deer was gone.
A few days later, we found the skeleton, in the lower field, where the coyotes roam.
It’s very sad to see such a young, beautiful animal come to such an end.
It’s difficult to think of it: what happened and why, and all the circumstances that occurred that resulted in the young deer to be alone, without its mother, and the deer to be in that open field, in the pall of night, when the coyotes were traveling through.
Life has these pieces of sadness.
I don’t even want to think too much about the deer, because I will slip into other lifetimes where I saw this or was this, witness or deer or coyote, and it will send me into a well of pain.
Saying, "it’s nature's way" doesn't help me with this.
It's just pain, and loss, and such a shame.
What could have been, now won’t be.
I guess… I guess I’m glad I saw the young deer. I’m glad we sheltered it, at least for a few days, and welcomed it and gave it food, and saw its beauty and its vulnerability, and loved it.
Now that I know what happened, I wondered… should we have tried to keep it, or hold it with us?
But that wasn’t its destiny as deer.
It’s a wild creature, not meant for a barn.
I often find this whole Universe is beyond understanding.
Nothing is random, I know. Which makes it even harder to understand the things that happen that are so sad, so ugly, so hard.
In this life, we’re here be part of, and to appreciate. We're here to witness and to remember. And sometimes, when things are sad and confusing, tragic and unspeakable, we can’t do more than just show up and love.
Much love, SARA
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