Recently, I reconnected with an old boyfriend "Jake" from high school. We went out for a year and then he started dating another girl back then. He's still lives in the same area as me, and he suggested that we meet for lunch when he was in town, so we could catch up on old times. I went to the lunch and it was awkward; he kept saying things like he'd never leave his wife (I am also married) but also that we had "history" together, and why did we even breakup anyway? I left the lunch pretty confused. Now, he's emailing me and calling me all the time, and wants to see me again. I admit my thoughts are going to him over and over, it's like something has opened up again. My marriage has been unhappy for a long time, but we have children (a boy who is 8, a girl who is 6). I am wondering if Jake is my soul mate? Or maybe we are twin flames or have some kind of past life together? Thank you for your response.--S.J.
I appreciate your writing about old flame romance, because it's a very important topic, and one that requires clear understanding of karma, soul mates and past lives.
First off: I don't use the term twin flames. That term involves there is only one person for us on this planet, and that isn't true: there are many soul mates who will show up in our lifetimes, either as family, friends, partners or romantic partners. Most of us will have a few romantic partners in this lifetime that would qualify as "soul mates" in the romantic sense: people we are vulnerable and physical intimate with, who we are loyal (monogamous) with, and who we have a sense of understanding that we don't have with other people.
I don't think Jake fits this bill for you. In fact, it sounds like Jake has some serious issues of wanting to possess you—surely you can see these red flags when you open up your eyes?
That said, it's pretty clear you and Jake have some karma to work out: karma being defined as "soul lessons learned over time". There are lessons which are showing up for you. Some of these might be: distraction, control, possession, manipulation, playing with others feelings, lack of responsibility to solving your own problems, hoping to be saved by the "prince" or the "white knight".
If you are unhappy in your marriage, that is okay: you might work it out with your husband, or you might not. It is certainly worth trying, with children involved. But don't let arrival of Jake be a distraction for you. He doesn't have the answer you seek.
In almost every case, old flames die out. Even a momentary rekindling doesn't last. This is because the initial karmic crossing that happened between you is done: it's complete. That's why you broke up long ago. The karmic crossing is complete, and you don't need to do more work around it.
It can get confusing, because when we connect with someone from the past, we return to ourselves in the past: we go back and experience all the things we were going through back then. Take a look at who you were back then in high school, as compared to now. There may be some information for you there: about what parts of you were open and flowing back then, that have become shut down now.
The "rekindling an old flame problem" is super common, especially with social media. In general, and by this I mean almost 100% of the time!, and old flame is just an old romance... it's over the past, and we are not meant to live in the past.
Move forward, KJ. Let go of this old flame (and certainly set boundaries so he can't stalk you like he is!). Figure out if your relationship with your husband can work, or not. Don't hide in the fantasy of the past or try to cling to an old idea (Jake) that has run it's course.
Go forward, with who you want to be now.