Thank you for the work you do. There is something confusing that happened to me the other day I wanted to ask you about.
I separated and divorced in 2008. This was followed by a complicated court case for parental custody as my children did not want to see their father after a traumatic incident they had with their father after we had divorced. He has some psychological issues that led to complicate his relationship with them. The outcome of the court case was given in early 2012. My 3 children see their father now once a month, this arrangement seems to be working for them. I hold no ill feelings towards their father and feel compassion towards him and feel that the experiences I shared him have helped me grow and my children grow. I was told by an intuitive when I separated that my marriage was a karmic relationship, I can see that now.
My main focus over the last years has been dealing with my children’s issues, supporting as them as best I could together with professional counseling sessions and a supportive extended family. It was difficult for me seeing how my girls became the unintended victims of my marriage break up. My children (16,15,10) all girls are well now and seem to have become so strong. In the process we all became a lot more spiritually aware, intuitive and insightful for their age. The relationship I enjoy with my daughters now is amazing and I can truly say we are really good friends and share so many great moments together and enjoy each others company.
I did a lot of work myself through prayer, becoming more spiritually aware and trying to develop a semi-regular meditation practice. I thought I had done a lot of progress including taking better care of myself. And starting to explore some of those activities I enjoyed before I married such as painting and photography. I feel so much happier now.
A family friend asked me about a month ago that it would be a good idea to start dating again. She wanted me to meet a guy who is related to her husband. At first I was reluctant and about after a month agreed to it. She gave me a lot of information about him and he seemed OK. The date was a double blind date so at no time I was alone. The guy was really nice, respectful, good listener etc. But I found the experience very difficult, I had feelings of anxiety several times during the evening and even went to the toilet to give myself a break a couple of times. I am not sure why I felt this way. The environment was safe. As I drove off I felt an intense sadness and cried.
The next day I felt exhausted and felt like crying some more. I thought I had already dealt with the break up and the aftermath. That interacting with other adults outside of work or family would be good. I feel a bit let down as I thought that all the work I had put in over the last few years had worked. I am also thinking on having a few counseling sessions to explore this as I am really confused about my reaction to the whole event. I am really not sure what happened if this was something to do with me, with my date or both. Or maybe I have tried too early and am not ready yet for a new relationship, how will I know when I am ready?
I have read your books and enjoy listening to your podcasts as I live in Australia I download them. They are always so very helpful and inspiring.
Thank you for all the help you give. —Cassandra
I think that your reaction to trying dating is very normal. The dating experience re-triggered all the issues that you faced when you were married, and when you divorced.
You've been indentifying yourself as strong mother since 2008; but the dating experience put you into a place where this was not the role. Instead, you had to once again see yourself not as mother, but as lover, partner, woman. It brought up a lot of the old hurt, the wounding, the fear and the vulnerability.
I am not a psychologist, but I see that you may have some trauma around men and intimacy from your past, and this has been triggered by trying to date. It would be worth it to work with someone on this.
Many times we clear so much spiritually, but there is further work to do as we come into new situations. The dating attempt showed you this... that there is more karmic clearing to do, and more healing.
The good news is that this isn't permanent, and you are working your way through it very well. Be gentle with yourself, and understand that healing takes not only time, but it comes in different waves, with different things to be resolved.
I would also say that all relationships are karmic—not just with your ex. Karma is not a bad thing; it is just when we have lessons to work through with others. And of course, we always have soul lessons to work through with others!
I'd like to see if you can a) get some help to solved this trigger about men, and b) try to meet some men outside of the realms of dating. That's too much pressure. See if there are other ways you can meet men in a different kind of social situation, such as at a workshop, class, activity you are interested in, etc. and c) remember that you have all the time you need.
No rush, if you are not yet ready. You might also find help in my course Heal Your Love & Relationship Karma.
Ask Sara with Sara Wiseman
Ask Sara is answered personally by Sara Wiseman, and shows you how to apply the concepts of spiritual intuition to everyday life.