I have been divorced for two years and have two children ages 3 and 5. My kids mostly live with me, but their dad sees them every other weekend and Wednesday nights. For the most part it works okay except during the holidays when their dad and his new wife (she has two kids, ages 4 and 7) want to pick them up at 9 a.m. on Christmas morning, and it’s always a big rush. I don’t want to be alone on Christmas day; I feel bad, and my kids know it. Plus , their dad buys them way too many gifts and I can’t compete. — Rachel
No question about it: divorce with kids can really suck, especially during the holidays.
As parents, there’s so much we want to share with our children during this time—the traditions, the celebrations, the magic. When we have to “share” our kids with our former spouses, it can bring out the worst in everyone.
However…as parents, it’s also our responsibility to work for our children’s best interests. That means, living from your higher self, your spiritual self, your soul.
Karmically, your children choose to arrive to you and their father. As souls, your children knew exactly what they were getting into. Over time, you, your ex and your kids will understand the soul lessons you’ve been placed on earth to learn together.
Right now, one of the lessons you’re learning from this holiday challenge, is to love your children enough to give them time with both parents. Not just you, or just your ex. But each of you, in your own way.
My suggestion, as a divorced parent, is to opt out of the whole December 25 issue. Claim another date, as your own. Such as December 23 and 24, or December 26 and 27. One big family I know holds their Christmas a weekend early, because there are so many schedules to coordinate.
It’s not fun to be stressed on the holiday: it’s hard on your kids to have to drive all over town, struggle to meet time schedules set out in the divorce decree, or be wrenched from playing with a new toy, to head over other parent’s home.
Being flexible on the date is non traditional but it allows you to have the full enjoyment of the holiday as a family in your own way. And that’s a lovely gift to give both you, and your kids.
You might also find my course Heal Your Love & Relationship Karma helps clears the air with your ex, too.