I have been struggling with this issue for quite some time, five years to be exact.
Five years ago I left my husband of almost 12 years for another man, I told my husband I was leaving and the same day I moved in with this other man.
In my marriage I had been feeling many things that you have stated in lesson 4, such as the relationship feels flat, not physically attracted, living in the same house but the bulk of the time is spent apart-- him in one part of the house and me in another this sort of stuff had been happening for a number of years. But there was more stuff that had happened between us, loss of babies, he never wanted to do anything fun.
I just up and told him it was over and I told him I was not in love with him anymore. But I feel such guilt for what I have done. Can you tell me why I have soo much guilt for what I did when the relationship was obviously over? Can you offer me any healing insight to this?
By the way the second relationship is not very good either.
Thanks so much for allowing me to ask you this question.
I'm not surprised that the second relationship is not working the way you thought it would.
It feels that you have some unfinished business with your ex husband; I think there was so much grief that you were dealing with because of the loss of babies, that you turned inward, he could not help you or reach you, and the marriage ended. I think the trauma you experienced was not any fault of yours, or his; it was that the trauma was too much to bear, and it was too much for the relationship to bear.
I'm sorry you had to go through that.
I think also, that you met this new man (new back then) as a way of simply making yourself feel better. You were in so much pain, and he was or seemed like a lifetime to just stopping the pain.
When you think about it, and with absolutely no judgement, your ex husband had to go through double pain, when you left. The pain of all that loss, and then the loss of you.
Just very hard all the way around.
However... now, you're in a new place. If you think the second relationship can be saved, then you'll have to get in there and renegotiate what you want. I sense that there is a lot of lower vibration behavior going on, avoidance, electronica, various addictions. It feels pretty stuck. So, just determine if it's stuck by you can renegotiate based on who you are now, or if it needs to be done. I can't see which way it will go; it isn't decided yet.
But... the real work is in going back and looking at the pain from what you experience in your marriage, and looking at this with new eyes, one last time. I'm sure it doesn't sound pleasant to go back and look, but it is the only way you can more forward. I would suggest you work through my course Heal Your Love & Relationship Karma. It will help you resolve some of this.