I have been meaning to ask you this question for quite some time. I keep thinking I can "see" the answer myself, but I believe I am too immersed in the situation.
I live on a small island, in a beautiful straw bale house powered by solar and wind. It is on 30 acres. I kept the house and land as part of a divorce a few years ago. The problem is the upkeep of the land. Especially the MOWING. This isn't just mowing a lawn. This is mowing a couple acres of pasture grass on uneven ground with a walk-behind field and brush mower. Each year I think I have lined someone up to help me, and each year they immediately fall behind and realize the scope of the job and bale on me. I then spend the rest of the summer MOWING…as well as tending a garden and an orchard and all the maintenance that has to do with a rural environment. The anxiety around managing these task begins to build all fall and winter. The overwhelm lasts all Spring and Summer. I keep finding myself saying two very contradictory statements "I absolutely love my house and my studio" and "this is too much for me". I also keep hearing the lyrics to the song "Should I stay or should I go" by The Clash.
A side note, my home is very small. So offering a place to live for work exchange is not an option, unless I was to build on. But that said, I am very private. My home is like a piece of art, and very fragile. It and all the alternative energy systems doesn't make it conducive to rent. Then there is the fact I bought it for 2x it's current accessed value in order to keep it. So selling it will mean taking an enormous $ loss. I also am not the type to just "let it go"and live in high grass. Did I mention…I am allergic to grass!
What do you sense? Thanks —Naomi
I do see you letting this property go, but not yet. You aren't quite done there. Often we find ourselves in places and spaces where we are simply meant to be—sometimes we are meant to be somewhere because a place and all its inhabitants: spirits, trees, animals, etc are actually healing and realligning us. We are meant to be in this place, so that we can be more effective in our work in the world; or so that we can grow in our soul understanding. Sometimes we need to stay put in one place long enough to create a feeling of centeredness and home. Sometimes we are meant to be stewards of the land/space.
In your case, I think that you are destined to stay for a while–not too long, perhaps another year or so. The place supports you in the work you do. It is allowing you to grow and expand.
Knowing that you won't be selling or moving for a little while, allows you to relax a bit. The first image I saw on your property was adding some goats—perhaps they are not yours, but some you borrow. A few goats, very easy to manage, and you won't have any pasture to deal with.
I think the relaxation, however, will also allow you to attract someone to help. The guidance is: it's not a job you should be doing physically yourself. Someone else should be doing that. Letting go of the idea that you're going to be the one doing it, will allow someone to show up to do it.
I see the idea of someone coming to live on the land, as caretaker. They don't live with you, but they live on the land in their own area, and in exchange they care for the land. That's one future possibility.
The other is that you sell and move —but not yet.
Finally... do some traveling, next year or so. See how that feels. As you pull up roots for short times, you will be experimenting with how the energy feels when you are away from home, and at home. This is part of the entire decision of moving—knowing what you might lose, and what you might gain from moving. You won't be able to make any decision until you experience this in real life, by journeying to other places. —Sara
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