Thank you for offering to give a free reading to your audience. I would love to call you on your radio show, but I live in the UK so it might prove a little difficult. I hope you can find time to tell me what you make of my query on your blog.
I'm afraid it's not a very original question: I want to know if I'm with the right man or not.
Briefly, we have been together over 12 years, and have two children together. Last year I was very unhappy, and developed feelings for someone else. I realise now that that was a distraction / escape / fantasy from sorting out my real life relationship, and I'm no longer in contact with the other person. My partner and I split up, got back together, and have probably talked more in the last few months than we have done in years.
I'm very aware of what a good person my partner is, of all his fantastic qualities, and of how many other people would love to have what I have. However, I can't shake the nagging feeling that I'm not with my "soulmate". I am halfway through your "Manifest Miracles " course, and in the "Affirm with Heart" meditation this thought came through very strongly for me. My friends tell me to think back to when we first fell in love - but for me that never happened. I was in my twenties, not looking for anything serious, we met, had good times together ... and here we are now. I never thought "this is the one for me". If I'm honest I've always felt that there has been something missing on a deeper level.
However, I'm also aware that we have a good, stable, functioning relationship, and we are bringing up two children together. Day-to-day, it works!
So my question is: is wanting to experience a deep, soulmate connection with someone just a teenage fantasy I need to let go of? Am I simply having a mid-life crisis, and need to get real and grow up? I don't want to sacrifice my children's happiness for my own; but I don't want to spend the rest of my life wondering "what if.....?".
Any insights into my situation would be really welcome right now....Thanks—Lena
Thank you for writing. I'd like to suggest that you ARE having what we used to call a mid-life crisis... and what we might now call the Getting Ready to Expand stage.
It's pretty common to enter this stage in the late thirties and early 40s... when you're deeply in marriage/family/domestic life, and often so very busy that life seems to be just one chore after another.
It's very easy to lose romance and feelings of love in your marriage, at this time.
That's when this creeping feeling of "I need my soul mate" tends to show up, and people start having affairs and getting divorced and so on.... again, very common in this state or passage of life, for both women and men.
So.. recognize you're in this passage... that's the first thing.
Next, you're going to want to do a lot of self exploration that has nothing to do with your husband—you're going to want to explore who YOU are outside of wife and mom, what YOU want to accomplish in your life. Often, this is where the real issue is.
This might take a year. It might take two years. It might take three. This process of discernment... of taking the focus of "the relationship is boring" or "my husband isn't my soul mate" can be exactly what you need when a marriage is basically solid, but perhaps lacking emotional depth.
I'd suggest my course Manifest Miracles to help you know what your heart really wants.
Ask Sara with Sara Wiseman
Ask Sara is answered personally by Sara Wiseman, and shows you how to apply the concepts of spiritual intuition to everyday life.