In 2010 my life turned upside-down in a matter of weeks. After years of happy marriage and a successful career, I became clinically depressed. It was astonishing how violently the wind was knocked from my sails. Fortunately, I sought counseling and was soon diagnosed with severe clinical depression and borderline personality disorder. It took two years of constant effort, weekly (or more) therapy sessions, and trials with different medications but I finally worked things out.
Sadly, the effort was too much for my marriage and just as I felt things were beginning to turn around, my wife asked me to move out. For the past year I have kept at it in the hopes of healing, proving myself worthy, and returning to my family. I got a new job, starting truly "living my therapy," and became self-sufficient. But it was too late. My wife eventually told me that there was no hope of saving the marriage and she filed for divorce.
Today I am able to manage my depression and feel I have conquered my BPD (it's possible with training), and I'm even weening off the last of my antidepressants. I'm happy in my job and have slowly begun to make friends of my own.
But there is still a lot of sadness to deal with. One thing I have noticed is that I no longer have any dreams--as in long-term hopes or goals. Working through depression and a broken heart is very much a one-day-at-a-time matter, and doesn't leave much energy for looking toward the future. Even though I have started to emerge, I still feel flat, stale and empty. I used to dream of retiring and traveling, but my financial situation has put that out of reach; I'll probably never be able to retire the way I used to dream about. I dreamed of a musical career, and even though it isn't too late to start, I get no great pleasure from paying any longer.
How does someone find a new dream? Where do they come from? The only thing I really know that I want is this: to love and be loved...preferably by someone who accepts me as I am and has no wish to change me. Anyway, I'm really at a loss. What am I here for? How do I decide what I really want to do with the rest of my life? Where to begin? Hoping for an answer — Richard
I am not qualified to speak about clinical depression—I am very happy to hear that you are seeking professional care there. In terms of spiritual awakening, this is something I have walked many people through—it is indeed a walk through the desert; it is the soul's emergence into a new vibration.
In most cases, spiritual awakening often heralds its approach by the complete and utter destruction of one's old life: death of a loved one, illness, divorce, loss of finances etc; all of these are common occurrences.
Eckhart Tolle talks about his complete lapse from normal reality for quite some time. Neale Donald Walsch was reduced to living in a homeless shelter, with all of his former life stripped away.
My own journey through was perhaps simpler, but it also involved difficult things: a near death experience, death of a parent, divorce and PTSD from all of it. It took four years to work my way out of that particular falling away of everything.
But it is in the falling way of everything, that we emerge from the ashes and are reborn.
Richard, I would say for you... it is too early to know what the outcome is. Spiritual awakening is a process over time, and you are not quite at the beginning, but I would say you are not at the end of this process either.
Be patient. Begin to do practices that put you in touch with Divine vibration: meditation, prayer, healing music. Things are moving, even if they are slow. Simply stay with it, be with it... and know that change, hope and new dreams are coming.
I recently heard on a radio show where the guest, after surviving a plane crash followed by 2 more NDEs, became extremely psychic. Following surgery, she became a metaphysical healer. And after surgery, she became a trans medium, neither by choice.
During the show the guest expressed that we are all intuitive but not many are truly psychic.
That has left me wondering if the only way to achieve psychic abilities is to have a NDE, like you experienced. Or to experience some major trauma to the body and spirit, like surgery. Does that leave the rest of us that have not had those experiences to never get beyond the level of intuition, even if it is our desire?
Appreciate your thoughts on this.Smiles—Nancy
It isn't required to have a near death experience (N.D.E) in order to have a spiritual awakening.
In my experience, a) anyone who is following the spiritual path long enough will become psychic, and b) anyone who is following the psychic path long enough will have a spiritual awakening. They are one and the same.
I don't agree with the statement by the guest, that not many are truly psychic. In my work, with the people I come across, there are many, many gifted folks out there, who have abilities that are at the upper range of intuitive/psychic development.
Of course, it helps if one practices :). Even Picasso didn't become a painting genius by sitting around reading. He painted. He immersed himself in it. It was the core focus of his creative being. This is also what's required—that level of attention and intention—to truly build these skills.
As you know, there are great resources for practice in my books and courses.
I feel strange sending you a message only because I've been the biggest skeptic for my entire life... until my son was born.
I wish I had written down all the things that struck me odd... but I'll just mention a few things I can remember offhand.
I'm a photographer, and he is accustomed to tagging along while I'm out taking pictures. Once in a while I'd go to a cemetery for a few shots... and then suddenly one day when he was about 3, he refused to go to a cemetery. I didn't think much of it, since I know that it *can* be a scary place, so I just stopped going to them. A few months ago (he's 6 now) I suddenly got an idea for a photograph and decided that after 3 years, he was probably "over" his cemetery anxiety, so it wouldn't hurt to take him REALLY QUICK to get this one shot I wanted.
I didn't tell him where I wanted to go, only because I didn't want to argue about it. As we were backing out of the drive, he said "momma, why are we going to a cemetery?".
Last year he was in bed and came out to tell me something. He said, "Mom, the radios won't stop"... as if it were a completely normal complaint. But we have no radios in the house... and there were no noises outside... I asked "what radio?", he said "the ones in my head".
He ended up explaining how he has two "radios" in his head... one on top that he can control and one on bottom that he can not control. He said "the one on the bottom keeps saying, 'I want you to remember... remember when you died'". I said, "what do you mean, when you died? You're still alive".
"No, when I died in the forest and my cap fell off... in the war", he said.
? No idea why he said that, but from then on he refused to go hiking in one particular area.
Just the other day he said, "I feel weird... I feel weird sometimes" and when I asked what he meant, he kept saying "I cant explain... like... I'm living in the past?".
Mind you, he's SIX... I never watch "psychic" shows, don't watch much tv/movies at all... don't talk about stuff like this... yet... ? Where is this coming from?
When he was about 2 he was drawing (mostly scribbles at that time), and he drew a rectangle with a dark circle inside. I was pretty impressed since it was a big step up from the scribbling, and asked him "why'd you draw that?".
"I don't like them".
"the bad people"
"why did they do that?"
"what do you mean?"
"I dont know"
... SO if it were anyone but ME explaining these things, I'd assume he had just watched a tv show about japan or something... but he hadn't. At that age, the only person he was ever really around was me... and I hadn't discussed war with him. And again, we rarely watch tv, so he wouldn't have picked it up there...
and I suppose if it were just one thing, I'd dismiss it as coincidence... but there are so many things he does this with that I'm starting to think there's more to life than the logical framework I've been using for the past 35 years. :p
Do you have any input or advice? Thoughts?
Thanks so much for taking the time to read this... I appreciate it more than I could say :)—Karen
I've only met one child like this, who was fully able to identify himself as his grandfather—he knew all sorts of details about his grandfather's life and possessions and where he lived, that he could not have known.
I've read of this phenomenon, and heard of it from several other people as well.
My suggestion is that you let your son explore, and fairly soon it will be come clear to both of you who he has reincarnated from, or what past life he is experiencing.
It feels more like a reincarnation, but sometimes past lives can be very intense also.
We each have many, many past lives ,not just one, but sometimes when we experience a past live very intensely, it signals the soul's need to work on the lesson of that lifetime further.
I think you will also benefit from my book Your Psychic Child.
You're very lucky to have such a soul in your life, and I'm sure you've been together many times before.
I’m in the middle of a major life change, and I need help with energies. I cannot even drive anymore without getting anxiety, or perhaps it's that I feel the actual energy of the car? I don't know what the heck is going on. I'm tired instantly when I have to drive, and today a 30 minute drive was completely exhausting. I thought I was going to have to pull over on the freeway.
I'm super sensitive to everything right now, and my dreams and thoughts have been processing so much. Basically, I need to figure out how to ground myself and handle all these shifts. Anything you can send my way is awesome. P.S. I love the podcasts.—Martine
When you can't get grounded or stay grounded, it's usually because you are in an anxiety thought loop— your mind/ego/personality is creating looping thoughts that don't stop.
The best way to get out of that is to trick the brain into stopping... I find things like mantra (sacred chant music like our album Radhe's Dream) or walking or some other kind of repetitive physical exercise works well. The key is rhythmic repetition that forces the mind to pay attention to the music, the movement or the environment—instead of your looping anxious thoughts.
I sense the change you are going through is actually wonderful... it feels really, really good to me. So hang in there, because it's all going to get clear soon. You might also like my course Free Yourself from Anxiety, as a way to understand the process.
Ask Sara with Sara Wiseman
Ask Sara is answered personally by Sara Wiseman, and shows you how to apply the concepts of spiritual intuition to everyday life.